


Home Shopping

by Chellodello



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Universe, F/F, QVC is like gem porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 04:36:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5234339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chellodello/pseuds/Chellodello
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Coming up next on the Gem Television Shopping Channel is our much anticipated 11.5 mm freshwater pearl and mastercut peridot sterling silver ring, a must have for any lover of either of these priceless gemstones!"</i><br/>Or;<br/>Peridot gets all hot and bothered watching gem home shopping TV, Pearl wants to do research, and Steven doesn't get why anyone likes watching this boring channel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home Shopping

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alixiecivet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alixiecivet/gifts).



> I 1100% blame [pearlscookies ](http://pearlscookies.tumblr.com/)and her [pearlidot ring post](http://pearlscookies.tumblr.com/post/133323119734/omg-jtv-confirms-pearlidot) for this.

Now that she’s reasonably sure that she’s not going to be harvested, tortured, or otherwise shattered Peridot spends a lot of her time that is not spent working with Pearl on the drill in the loft with Steven.

More specifically Steven’s TV.

Which is why she is here, laying on the floor, contemplating on the magnitude of her sheer bad luck that led to being stuck on this good for nothing dirt ball, as Steven flips through channels. It was actually rather soothing.

For the most part Beach City was quiet; quiet in a way that homeworld never was. It lacked the near musical buzzing of various technical components and energy fields that she had spent her entire life around. Suddenly her world is entirely too silent. It can be disconcerting at times. But if she closes her eyes the soft static and electrical fuzz that the primitive entertainment system provided almost convince her that she’s back home and that everything was back to normal.

No Earth, no cluster, no crystal gems, no fancy pearls...

“Look Peridot you’re on TV!” Steven blurts suddenly. “But they’re saying your name funny.”

“No I’m not! I’m clearly right here- wha?”

Displayed on the glass screen of the television is what seems to be an incredibly faceted oval cut peridot adhered to some refined gold band. Off screen a woman drones on about her much to Peridot’s horror. _“-Just six easy payments of $101.50. Remember this is the last day to get this peridot at this low price. It is very difficult to get peridot of this caliber on GTV.”_

The Homeworld jackknifes up, hastily looking around her before giving the young Quartz a terrified look. “You said that they didn’t harvest gems on this planet!”

Steven, ever perceptive to the emotions of others, is quick to assuage her panic. “Oh they’re not gems like you and me, they’re jewelry. People wear them. They’re just...rocks."

Somehow this does nothing to calm her down. “I’m just a rock!”

Oh stars it was worse than she thought. She wasn’t going to be shattered: she was going to be cut down and force fused to some alloy, like some kind of dowdy bauble that existed only to show the wealth of oth-

 _Yikes_.

Great, now she feels like a grain of sand. The homeworld gem takes a moment to move ‘Apologize to Pearl’ to the top of her mental to-do list. It’s not like she wasn’t going to apologize to her anyway it’s just now it seemed like a matter of utmost importance. Peridot may be incredibly reluctant to be on this planet but she can’t deny that being here has opened her eyes to many things; chief apparent among them being that gems, herself included, were capable of much more than the authority would have them believe.

And besides she was a gem of cold truths: facts were facts and no matter what the tall gem might have started off as it was clear that she was definitely a brilliant engineer now.

Steven takes her sudden silence and introspection as fear and tries to clarify further about the ‘GTV’ and the peridot on screen. “They’re not like us though! They're not G _em_ gems I promise. The earth just makes them and spits them out of volcanoes and rivers and rocks and stuff.”

She should be concerned that a promise from Steven is enough to assuage her panic, but she is too busy wrapping her head around a the fact that this planet had a naturally occurring and self-contained kindergarten that made non-sentient gems that were then sold and worn as some kind of  class distinguishing ornamentation. As if Earth needed another reason to be completely mad.

“And this ‘GTV’ sells gems? For currency?”

“Yeah, it’s a home shopping channel. You don’t even need to leave the house.”

“Fascinating.” she whispers to herself.

_“-and if you’re a peridot lover you know what I’m talking about._

The gem ring shimmers on the screen catching her eye and the homeworld gem forces herself to calm down so that she can gather more information. She tells herself it’s data collection for her eventual return to homeworld but it’s more morbid curiosity than anything.

 _“This size stone, this coloration, this total …. persuasion-” _Well. She’s not entirely sure what _that_ means but she’s certainly never seen another peridot, let alone her own gem, cut that way with facets gleaming in the artificial light. _“It is hard to find peridot like this, it’s hard to get. And you’re going to pay a lot.”_

That was something she had never considered before. “And humans they, pay a lot of money for me-er...earth occurring peridots?” Back on homeworld no one in their right mind would buy a peridot, they weren’t exactly rare or even that artfully made. They weren’t typically alluring gems, not like pearls were. The idea that anyone would be interested in a gem like her, even in a ornamental sense was odd, but perversely vindicating.

The young gem scratches his head and considers it. “I guess? I mean six payments of $100 is a lot of money.”

“And are there other gems that are sold along with these ‘earth peridots’? Are we-they rare here?”

“Earth makes all kinds of gems: Peridots, Rubies, Sapphires, Emeralds, Amethysts, Topaz, and whole bunch more. But diamonds are the rarest. Dad says that diamonds are gifts for big occasions; like weddings and inheritances.”

Peridot privately scoffs to herself. ‘Figures.’ Even somewhere as backwards as Earth diamonds still reign supreme. Still; there was no denying that this earth peridot was radiant. Looking at it made her feel proud, pretty even. She scoots closer to the TV, attention rapt.  

Steven fingers the remote on the bed. “We can always change the channel if you’re uncomfort-”

With embarrassing swiftness Peridot yelps and shakes off the offer with a wave of her tiny hand. “Wait! Lets not get too hasty! I should watch, for science. Yes, for science! Who knows what I could learn about the composition of the cluster from observing earth incubated gems.”

_‘Smooth Dot, real smooth.’_

Steven plops back down on the bed with a shrug. “If you’re sure.”

_“Speaking of peridot lovers, next up on GTV is going to be this absolutely gorgeous peridot and freshwater pearl sterling silver ring.”_

Peridot doesn’t need to breathe but even so she sucks in a breath of air and feels her throat constrict and mouth dry up. “Now both you and Pearl are on TV! How cool!” He laughs at his own joke, but Peridot is absolutely not laughing.

_“You are going to love this, people who’ve bought it online are leaving rave reviews and now this beauty can be yours.”_

Her eyes widen as she watches the pretty peridot ring be replaced with what is a very uh, _suggestive_ arrangement of gems featuring a large glossy pearl nestled around four small peridots. Sweet stars above, four peridots and one pearl.

If she were a lesser gem she’d say the idea was unfathomable but Peridot has always been above the curve so the idea is altogether all too fathomable.  It’s not her fault for thinking about it, the vivid picture of it is literally staring her in the gem through the horizontal and vertical signal. And the thing is, well, she's known plenty of peridots, but it’s not like she knows more than one Pearl.

“Are you okay Peridot?”

The small gem makes some kind of wounded animal noise in the back of her throat as a reply but keeps watching.

_“-it’s really a show stopper this one, featuring a single freshwater pearl roughly 11- 11.5 mm simply lovely, and it’s surrounded by not one, not two, not even three, but four masterfully cut peridots, and they look just magnificent together.”_

And that- that’s just lewd.

Logistically four peridots to one pearl is just too many peridots, a beyond superfluous amount really. In fact any more than just one peridot and there would be too many technicians, too many hands trying to get in on the action, there would never be any favorable results for the pearl in question.

And it made perfect sense that she should be the peridot to be doing the, um, _calibrations_ ; she was likely the only one of her kind with any kind of, literal, firsthand experience when it came to such fancy pearls and how to handle them. (Peridot swears up and down she can still feel twinges of pain where Pearl had punched her: but it's a good hurt, a hurt that reminds her that she had to do better, be better.)

Then again, pearls are ancient things; surely Pearl would know more about her own...facets...than even all Peridot's extensive theoretical research could tell her. She’s could teach her all about how to properly... handle... a pearl of her caliber. And above all else, Peridot loves to learn, always ready to soak up new knowledge, hands on or otherwise.

Yes, she concludes, one Peridot and one Pearl are all that are needed to reach the desired opulence level or research.

Peridot’s hands are sweating. The urge to check her gem to see if it was as hot as it feels is strong and barely suppressed.

_“Now here at GTV we don’t see pearl and peridot paired together too often but when we do it’s a real treat, the effect is just- wow.”_

‘That’s putting it mildly.’Peridot thinks as she bites her lower lip and squirms trying to get comfortable.

To his credit Steve take all of whatever this is with a grain of salt. “Peridot you’re really acting weird. Is everything okay?”

“Everything is-” She starts.

_“You can see for yourself how the pearl being embraced by these expertly cut peridots truly brings out the luster of both gems.”_

“-cool.” The conclusion is barely a whisper.

Peridot has never fused with anyone, for one thing it was, let’s say, ““frowned upon”” back on homeworld and for another thing she’s never really felt that she had much to offer to any fusion that would be made up of her. A tiny little peridot, even as brilliant and innovative as her, wasn’t exactly getting a lot of dance offers. But with the way the televised gems are pressed together on the ring, just shy of being one entity, bringing out the truest luster and shine of the other, makes her seriously think about what being that close to another gem, to Pearl, might be like.

_“For just six payments of $143.75 this luxurious and rare ring can go home with you.”_

Maybe it wasn't as absurd as she once thought; a pearl and a peridot together. Not one owning the other. She's been exposed to the tall gem long enough to know that no one could ever really own Pearl. Just them together; in all senses.

Peridot instinctively runs a moist finger around the edge of her gem and shutters. It’s easy, too easy really, she should be concerned with how effortless it is, to imagine them fitting perfectly; Her and Pearl pressed so close, shining brightly, dare she think it, brighter than even a Diamond. The thought is downright blasphemous but so very very enticing.

Two gems of no importance clarifying any tarnishes or imperfections they might have separately, transcending any caste that homeworld might have for them. Gem to Gem, slotted together, in the most car-

“I heard noises is everything alright up here- oh my goodness! Steven what are you watching?!”

Aw crud.

Busted.

It’s a good thing that Steven is able to answer because Peridot is having a hard time explaining herself. “The Gem television shopping channel. Me and Peridot were doing research for how to take on the cluster.”

Peridot meets Pearl’s questioning gaze and tries not to look guilty. Pearl is not stupid, in fact baring herself she was probably the most intelligent creature of this side of galaxy. She takes in Peridot’s frantic look, her flushed cheeks, and the still playing television show behind her and quickly figures out what's going on in a matter of seconds.

But instead of the disgust or lecture she is expecting she just raises a delicate eyebrow in challenge. “Research huh?”

The green gem licks her lips and flushes deeper when Pearl’s blue eyes flow the action. Her eyes narrow in suspicion, “Yeah. Research.”

Pearl spares the TV the quickest of glances. “Four seems a bit...much.”

Peridot is extremely proud that her voice comes out as even as it does and she is able to meet the other gem’s gaze evenly. “I’ve concluded that one is sufficient.”

That earns her a small chuckle. “Just sufficient?”

“More than sufficient. I believe that a 1:1 arrangement would result in optimum...luster. For both parties.”

Pearl smiles. “We may need to do more research then. To ensure results of course.” Then she’s walking down the stairs of the loft, towards the front door and ultimately the beach. Sweet stars this was happening.

But still, a challenge is a challenge and she thrives on challenges.

Peridot springs to her feet and nearly chokes on her retort. “Like you could even handle four you clod!” but chases after Pearl anyway, moving faster and more fluidly than she thought herself capable of.

Steven is left sitting on his bed, remote loosely held in one hand, having no idea what just happened or how any of that had anything to do with the cluster. And if he was being completely honest, and he tries to be, he doesn’t get what either of them sees in this show anyways.

With a shrug he changes the channel.

**Author's Note:**

> Funfact: I used to religiously watch QVC /JVC as a a child so I grew up pronouncing Peridot _'Pear-doh'_ instead of _'Peri-Dot'_  
>  I don't even know what kind of garbage this is; for something that is not porn its really rather filthy. I just- how did I even write this?


End file.
